The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.
Anchor :
Any of a number of heavy, hook-shaped devices that is
dropped over the side of the boat on the end of a length of rope
and/or chain, and which is designed to hold a vessel securely in
place until (a) the wind exceeds 2 knots, (b) the owner and crew
depart, or (c) 3 a.m.
Aneroid Barometer :
Meteorological instrument which sailors often use to confirm the onset of
bad weather. Its readings, together with heavy rain, severe rolling, high
winds, dark skies and a deep cloud cover, indicate the presence of a storm.
Bar :
Long, low-lying navigational hazard, usually awash,
found at river mouths and harbour entrances, where it is composed
of sand or mud, and ashore, where it is made of mahogany or some
other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around
both.
Battery:
Electrochemical storage device capable of lighting a lamp of a wattage
approximately equal to that of a refrigerator lamp for a period of 15
minutes after having been charged for two hours.
Berth :
Any horizontal surface whose total area does not exceed
one half of the surface area of an average man at rest, onto
which at least one pint of some liquid seeps during any 12-hour
period and above which there are not less than 10 pounds of
improperly secured objects.
Boat :
A small hole in the water, into which a Boat Owner poors large amounts of
money, time and effort.
Boom :
Laterally mounted pole to which a sail is fastened.
Often used during gybing to shift crew members to a fixed,
horizontal position.
Buoy :
Navigational aid. There are several types and colours of buoys of which the
most numerous are:
The red can (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the horizon)
The green cone (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the horizon)
The cardinal mark (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the horizon) and
The red-and-white fairway marker (seen as a fuzzy
black spot on the horizon)
Burdened Vessel :
The boat which, in a collision situation, did not have
the right-of-way. See PRIVILEGED VESSEL.
Captain :
See FIGUREHEAD
Canvas :
An abrasive sailcloth used to remove excess skin from
knuckles
Caulk :
Any one of a number of substances introduced into the
spaces between planks in the hull and decking of a boat that give
a smooth, finished appearance while still permitting the passage
of a significant amount of seawater.
Chock :
Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by
Spanish seaman.
Circuit Breaker :
An electromechanical switching unit intended to prevent
the flow of electricity under normal operating conditions and, in
the case of a short circuit, to permit the electrification of all
conductive metal fittings throughout the boat. Available at most
novelty shops.
Club, Yacht Club, Racing Association :
Troublesome seasonal accumulation in coastal areas of
unpleasant marine organisms with stiff necks and clammy
extremities. Often present in large numbers during summer months
when they clog inlets, bays, and coves, making navigation almost
impossible. The infestations are most serious along the Solent.
They can be effectively dislodged with dynamite, but, alas, archaic
maritime laws rule out this option.
Command :
A mnemonic used to remember how orders at sea are to be given:
Confuse Obscure Mispronounce Mumble Abbreviate Nasalize Drool.
Compass :
Navigational instrument that indicates the presence of machinery and
magnets on board ship by spinning wildly.
Crew :
Heavy, stationary objects used on board to hold down
charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of
the boom.
Cruising :
Waterborne pleasure journey embarked on by one or more
people. A cruise may be considered successful if the same number
of individuals who set out on it arrive, in roughly the same
condition they set out in, at some piece of habitable dry land,
with or without the boat.
Current :
Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desired
destination, or toward a hazard.
Distress Signals :
International signals which indicate that a boat is in
danger. For example, in Italian waters: moaning, weeping, and
wild gesticulations; in French waters: fistfights, horn blowing,
and screamed accusations; in Spanish waters: boasts, taunts, and random
gunfire; in Irish waters: rhymthic grunting, the sound of broken
glass, and the detonation of small explosive devices; in Japanese
waters: shouted apologies, the exchange of calling cards, and
minor self-inflected wounds, in American waters: the sudden appearance
of lawyers, the pointing of fingers and repression of memories; and
in English waters: doffed hats,the burning of toast, and the spilling
of tea.
Engine :
Yachts are equipped with a variety of engines, but
all of them work on the internal destruction principle, in which
highly machined parts are rapidly converted into low-grade scrap,
producing in the process energy in the form of heat, which is
used to boil bilge water; vibration, which improves the muscle
tone of the crews; and a small amount of rotational force, which
drives the average size yacht at speeds approaching a furlong
per fortnight.
Equator :
A line circling the earth at a point equidistant from
both poles which separates the oceans into the North Danger Zone
and the South Danger Zone.
Etiquette :
Marine custom establishes a code of social behavior and
nautical courtesy for every conceivable occasion. Thus, for
example, a boat belonging to another boatman is always referred
to as a "scow", a "tub", or a
"pig-boat". When one skipper goes aboard another's
boat, he does not hesitate to tell him frankly about any
drawbacks or disadvantages he finds in comparison to his own
craft. Sailors welcome every opportunity to improve their
vessels, and so he knows that his remarks will be greatly
appreciated. When one yacht passes another, it is customary
for the captain of the passing boat to make a rasping sound
with his lips and tongue, and for the captain of the passed boat
to return the courtesy by offering a smart salute consisting of a
quick upward movement of the right hand with the second digit
extended.
Figurehead :
Decorative dummy found on yachts. See CAPTAIN.
Flag :
Any of an number of signalling pennants or ensigns,
designed to be flown upside down, in the wrong place, in the
wrong order, or at an inappropriate time.
Fix : Fuel : Galley : Gimbals : Hazard : Ketch : Knot : Leadership : Leak : Life Jacket : Marina : Mile (Nautical) : Moon : Mooring : Oil : Passage : Passenger : Points : Porthole : Pratique : Privileged Vessel : Propeller : Queeg : Racing : Rapture of the Deep : Rudder : Sextant : Shipshape : Shower : Spanner Wrench : Spinnaker : Splice : Tack : Toe : Uniform : Vang : Varnish : Weather Helm : Wharf : Whelk : Whip : Yacht Broker : Yawl : Zephyr : Last update 7 January 2005
1. The estimated position of a boat. 2. The true position a boat and its crew in are in most of the time.
Yachts without auxiliary engines do not require fuel
as such, but an adequate supply of a pale yellow carbonated
beverage with a 10 percent to 12 percent alcohol content is
essential to the operation of all recreational craft.
Ancient: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery
Modern: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery
Movable mountings often found on nautical lamps,
compasses, etc., which provide dieting passengers an opportunity
to observe the true motions of the ship in relation to them, and
thus prevent any recently ingested food from remaining in their
digestive systems long enought to be converted into unwanted
calories.
1. Any boat over 2 feet in length. 2. The skipper of any
such craft. 3. Any body of water. 4. Any body of land within 100
yards of any body of water.
Disagreeable clause in boat-purchase contract.
Any connection between two or more ropes... having the property that the link cannot be parted or broken in any way other than severing it with a knife, except if it is subjected to steady stress in the course of normal use.
In maritime use, the ability to keep persons on board
ship without resorting to measures which substantially violate
applicable Laws and Regulations
A situation calling for LEADERSHIP
Any personal flotation device that will keep an
individual who has fallen off a vessel above water long enough
to be run over by it or another rescue craft.
Commercial dock facility. Among the few places, under
maritime law, where certain forms of piracy are still permitted,
most marinas have up-to-date facilities for the disposal of
excess amounts of currency that may have accumulated on
board, causing a fire hazard.
A relativistic measure of surface distance over water -
in theory, 6076.1 feet. In practice, a number of different values
for the nautical mile have been observed while under sail, for
example: after 4 p.m., approximately 40,000 feet; in winds of
less than 5 knots, about 70,000 feet; and during periods of
threatening weather in harbour approaches, around 100,000 feet.
Earth's natural satellite. During periods when it displays a vivid blue
color, sailing conditions are generally favorable.
The act of bringing a boat to a complete stop in a
relatively protected coastal area in such a fashion that it can
be sailed away again in less than one week's time by the same
number of people who moored it without heavy equipment and no
more than £100 in repairs.
Thick viscous substance poured by sailors on troubled waters in former
times, but now more frequently on troubled beaches, troubled marshes and
troubled seabirds.
A voyage from A to B, interrupted by unexpected landfalls or stopovers at
point K, point Q and point Z.
A form of movable internal ballast which tends to
accumulate on the leeward side of yachts once sea motions
commence.
Traditional units of angular measurement from the
viewpoint of someone on board a vessel. They are: Straight ahead
of you, right up there; Just a little to the right of the front;
Right next to that thing up there; Between those two things;
Right back there, look; Over that round whatsit; Off the right
corner; Back over there; and Right behind us.
A glass-covered opening in the hull designed in such a
way that when closed (while at sea) it admits light and water,
and when open (while at anchor) it admits, light, air, and
insects (except in Scottish waters, where most species are too
large to gain entry in this manner).
Technical maritime term for customs procedure on
entering foreign waters. When passing through customs,
particularly in the Med - it is customary to display a small
amount of that country's official currency in a conspicuous place
and to transfer it to the officer who examines the boat's
documents during the parting handshake. A nice sharp slap on the
back as the captain effects the transfer shows he cares about
appearances. And it is by no means out of place for the skipper
to add a friendly word or two, such as "Here, Mate, this
is for you. Why don't you go out and buy yourself some booze and
get p*ss*d?" incidentally, these inspectors are justly
proud of their educational attainments, and the canny boat owner
can win some fast friends by remarking with surprise and
admiration on their ability to read and write.
The vessel which in a collision was "in the
right". If there were witnesses, the owner could bring an
maritime court case - know as a "wet suit" or a
"leisure suit" - against the owner of the other boat,
and if he proves "shiplash", he could collect a tidy
sum.
Underwater winch designed to wind up at high speed any
lines or painters left hanging over the stern.
Affectionate slang term for ship's captain
Popular nautical contact sport
Also known as nautical narcosis. Its symptoms include an
inability to use common words, such as up, down, left, right,
front, and back, and their substitution with a variety of
gibberish which the sufferer believes to make sense; a love of
small, dark, wet places; an obsessive desire to be surrounded by
possessions of a nautical nature, such as lamps made from running
lights and tiny ship's wheels; and a conviction that objects are
moving when they are in fact standing still. This condition is
incurable.
A large, heavy, vertically mounted, hydrodynamically
contoured plate with which, through the action of a tiller
or wheel, it is possible, during brief intervals, to point a
sailing vessel in a direction which, due to a combination of
effects caused by tide, current, the force and direction of the
wind, the size and angle of the waves, and the shape of the hull,
it does not wish to go.
An entertaining, albeit expensive, device, which,
together with a good atlas, is of use in introducing the boatman
to many interesting areas of the earth's surface which he and his
craft are not within 1,000 nautical mailes of.
A boat is said to be shipshape when every object that is
likely to contribute to the easy handling of the vessel or the
comfort of the crew has been put in a place from which it cannot
be retrieved in less than 30 minutes.
Due to restricted space, limited water supplies, and the
difficulty of generating hot water, showers on board ship are
quite different from those taken ashore. Although there is no
substitute for direct experience, a rough idea of a shipboard
shower can be obtained by standing naked for two minutes in a
cupboard with a large, wet dog.
One of the most useful tools for engine repair; in come
cases, the only suitable tool. Not currently manufactured.
An extremely large, lightweight, balloon-shaped piece of
sailcloth frequently trailed in the water off the bow in a big
bundle to slow the boat down.
Method of joining two ropes by weaving together the
individual strands of which they are composed. The resulting
connection is stronger than any knot. Splicing is something of an
art and takes a while to master. You can work on perfecting your
technique at home by practicing knitting a pair of socks or a
Noddy hat out of a pound or so of well-cooked spaghetti.
To shift the course of a yacht from a direction far
to the right, say, of the direction in which one wishes to go, to
a direction far to the left of it.
Stub your "toe"? Well then, it's time to brush
up on your nomenclature! In nautical terms, a toe is a catchcleat
or snagtackle. A few others: head - boomstop; leg - bruisefast;
and hand - blistermitten.
As worn by yacht club members and other shore hazards, a
distinctive form of dress intended to be visible at a distance of
at least 50 yards which serves to warn persons in the vicinity
of the long winds and dense masses of hot air associated with
these tidal bores.
Name of German sea dog.
High-fiction coating applied as a gloss over minor
details in personal nautical recollections to improve their
audience-holding capacity over frequent retellings.
Marked tendency of a yacht to turn into the wind,
even when the rudder is centered. This is easily countered by
wedging a heavy object against the tiller. See CREW.
Sound made by Vang when he wishes to be fed.
Sound made by Vang to show that he doesn't like that
dry, lumpy dog food you put in his dish.
Useful accessory if that dry, lumpy dog food is all you
happen to have on board.
Form of coastal marine life found in many harbours in the
Northern Hemisphere generally thought to occupy a position on the
evolutionalry scale above algae, but somewhat below the
whelk.
Version of ahoy as said in the Southern U.S.
A warm, pleasand breeze named after the mythical Greek
god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts.
Please e-mail any comments on these pages to John Weale - e-mail: john dot weale at ntlworld dot com